Friday, October 19, 2007

Yeah, Yeah . . . What The Hell?

Gordon Legge, you feckin' swine.

All these years I've been re-reading The Shoe the same way Sherri Shepherd reads the Bible: Lovingly, reverentially and accepting the words on the page as the literal truth, and it turns out that he's been lying to me all this time.

Ever since I first read Legges's debut novel - 13 years ago? - I've been labouring under the false belief, that the Yeah Yeah Noh performed a session on Peel, where they performed the tracks 'Cottage Industry' and 'Bias Binding', and now I find out that no bastard Peel session featuring those two tracks ever took place.

Even the timing of the alleged session doesn't pan out. The novel opens with Archie, Mental and Dave travelling through to Glasgow on the train to catch the Hearns/Hagler fight, 'The War', via live transmission at the Glasgow Apollo. That fight took place on April 15th 1985, but the only session that the Yeah Yeah Nohs recorded for Peel that year was broadcast on the 9th April.

What's with the missing chapter, Gordy? You know, the one where the lads find a time machine on the way back to Grangemouth, that not only allows them to teleport themselves six days back in time, but also allows them access to the parallel universe where the YYN do indeed record those two tracks for a Peel Session. For the record - in case you decide to insert the missing chapter for a future reprint of the novel - I bastard hate sci-fi novels. Only things worse in this known universe are sci-fi films and sci-fi tv series.

What am I going to find out next? That when Archie wakes up on page 86 in the book, he doesn't in fact listen to Al Green's singing 'Unchained Melody', but instead opts for the Jimmy Young version? Don't bastard tell me if you ever happen to google search your name and find this post. I don't think I could take the further disillusionment.

I'm away for a lie down.

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