Face (1997)

 

Clare in the Community (2009)

 

Dutch Girls (1985)

 

Clare in the Community (2008)

 

Clare in the Community (2006)

 

Clare in the Community (2005)

 

Blitzed: The 80s Blitz Kids Story (2020)

 

Clare in the Community (2004)

 

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa (2013)

 

Byrned out . . .

 I still occasionally throw  . . . and, more surprisingly, I occasionally hit what I'm aiming at.

Young Doctors In Love (1982)

 

Shameless (2012)

 

The True Confessions of Adrian Albert Mole, Margaret Hilda Roberts and Susan Lilian Townsend by Sue Townsend (Methuen 1989)

 

Russia

. . .  My last visit was in May of this year. I was a guest of the Great Britain–USSR Association. There was only one serious drawback – I would be in the company of other writers. The purpose of the visit was to have round-table talks with members of the Soviet Writers’ Union.

I am scared of writers, and, fearful of their beady-eyed scrutiny, I normally avoid literary occasions. But because it was Russia I accepted.

The visa was applied for. I read the list of the accompanying writers with a sinking heart. Paul Bailey, Alan Bennett, Timothy Mo, Craig Raine and Christopher Hope. I had nothing against them as people – I’d never met them – but they were writers. We met for lunch at the Great Britain–USSR headquarters in Grosvenor Place. John Roberts, the association’s director, introduced us to Anne Vaughan, who was to be our mother, timekeeper, guide, translator, travel organizer, and lender of tights. During lunch I overheard Timothy Mo say, ‘I hope to get some scuba diving in.’ ‘In Moscow?’ I thought. It reminded me of a friend of mine who was summoned to the Job Centre, where he informed the clerk that he hadn’t worked for several years because he was a sponge diver but he didn’t want to leave Leicester.

The World According to Garp (1982)

 

The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole by Sue Townsend (Methuen 1984)

 

Sunday April 4th

 

My father has sent a telegram to the War Office. He wants to take part in the war with Argentina. His telegram read:

QUALIFIED HEATING ENGINEER STOP A1 FITNESS STOP OFFERS HIMSELF IN THE SERVICE OF HIS COUNTRY STOP READY FOR IMMEDIATE MOBILIZATION

My mother says that my father will do anything to avoid working for Manpower Services as a canal bank renovator.

At tea-time I was looking at our world map, but I couldn’t see the Falkland Islands anywhere. My mother found them; they were hidden under a crumb of fruitcake.

I feel guilty about mentioning a personal anguish at this time of national crisis, but ever since last night when a model aeroplane became stuck fast to my nose with glue, I have suffered torment. My nose has swollen up so much that I am frantic with worry that it might burst and take my brain with it.

I rang the Casualty Department and, after a lot of laughing, the nurse who removed the plane came on the line. She said that I was ‘probably allergic to the glue’, and that the swelling would go down in a few days. She added, ‘Perhaps it will teach you not to sniff glue again.’ I tried to explain but she put the phone down.

Pandora has been round but I declined to see her. She would go straight off me if she saw my repulsive nose.

Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads? (1973)

 

Shameless (2011)

 

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa (2013)

 

Up to date?

For 2023, at least . . . for 180s in 2023 at least.

21/50

Fever Pitch (1997)

 

The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13¾ by Sue Townsend (Methuen 1982)

 

Tuesday December 22nd

School was closed this morning because the teachers couldn’t manage to get in on time because of the snow. That will teach them to live in old mill houses and windmills out in the country! Miss Elf lives with a West Indian in a terraced house in the town, so she bravely turned out to prepare for the school concert in the afternoon. I decided to forgive Pandora for the fox-fur in the cat’s basket incident after she had pointed out that the cat was an expectant mother.

The school concert was not a success. The bell ringing from class One-G went on too long, my father said ‘The Bells! The Bells!’ and my mother laughed too loudly and made Mr Scruton look at her.

The school orchestra was a disaster! My mother said, ‘When are they going to stop tuning-up and start playing?’ I told her that they had just played a Mozart horn concerto. That made my mother and father and Pandora’s mother and father start laughing in a very unmannerly fashion. When ten-stone Alice Bernard from Three-C came on stage in a tutu and did the dying swan I thought my mother would explode. Alice Bernard’s mother led the applause, but not many people followed.

The Dumbo class got up and sang a few boring old carols. Barry Kent sang all the vulgar versions (I know because I was watching his lips) then they sat down cross-legged, and brainbox Henderson from Five-K played a trumpet, Jew’s harp, piano and guitar. The smarmy git looked dead superior when he was bowing during his applause. Then it was the interval and time for me to change into my white T-shirt-and-Wranglers Joseph costume. The tension backstage was electric. I stood in the wings (a theatrical term – it means the side of the stage) and watched the audience filing back into their places. Then the music from Close Encounters boomed out over the stereo speakers, and the curtains opened on an abstract manger and I just had time to whisper to Pandora ‘Break a leg, darling’, before Miss Elf pushed us out into the lights. My performance was brilliant! I really got under the skin of Joseph but Pandora was less good, she forgot to look tenderly at Jesus/Peter Brown.

The three punks/wise men made too much noise with their chains and spoiled my speech about the Middle East situation, and the angels representing Mrs Thatcher got hissed by the audience so loudly that their spoken chorus about unemployment was wasted.

Still, all in all, it was well received by the audience. Mr Scruton got up and made a hypocritical speech about ‘a brave experiment’ and ‘Miss Elf’s tireless work behind the scenes’, and then we all sang ‘We wish you a Merry Christmas’!

Driving home in the car my father said, ‘That was the funniest Nativity play I have ever seen. Whose idea was it to turn it into a comedy?’ I didn’t reply. It wasn’t a comedy.

Rita, Sue And Bob Too (1987)

 

Peter Kay's Car Share (2017)

 

A Bonfire of the Inanities

. . . I had to go there.

20/50

Free Fire (2016)

 

Peter Kay's Car Share (2015)

 

The Day of the Locust (1975)

 

Shameless (2010)

 

Shameless (2009)

 

Only Murders in the Building (2023)

 

Shameless (2008)

 

Writers' Strike

 I laughed . . . 

PTSD.

 I had to wear one of these for a year and a half at primary school. Still haven't got over it.

#PostTraumaticSheepskinDisorder

The Clockmaker of St. Paul (1974)

 

Running Scared (1986)

 

Shameless (2007)

 

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa (2013)

 

Shameless (2006)

 

Local Hero (1983)

 

The Chain (1984)

 

Shameless (2005)

 

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa (2013)

 

Clockwise (1986)

 

Synth Pop September?

 

Maybe next September  . . . maybe.

#SynthPopSeptember 

Maybe . . . just maybe

I'm tempted. Really tempted. Is the blog ready for me to once again recycle the same 30-40 songs from 1981-84? Same jokes, same patter, the same half-arsed anecdotes? 

Found this music challenge on twitter (Kiss my arse with your 'X-bollocks', Musk.) Is September a particularly synthy month? I have no idea. It would, however, be nice to breath some much needed life into the blog.

#SynthPopSeptember 

Singles (1992)

 

Shameless (2004)

 

Gregory's Two Girls (1999)

 

A Long Way Down (2014)