Someone call Childline.
Just this minute watching Sky Sports, and they have a report on Alex Mcleish's superstitious wee ways of taking the Scotland squad out for a curry as a means of preparing for Scotland's forthcoming match with the Ukraine.
OK, I have no problem with the tabloid television when it comes to the footie. Scotland's national team is scaling dizzy heights at the moment, and it makes a welcome change from the usual ten minute spot on Rooney's metatarsal or Owen's groin.
What with the current wave of lovebombing directed at the Scotland team, there'll be talk of a squad song next. ( Too late.) And, of course, the song won't be as good as the 1982 classic 'We Have A Dream', but the team should be lapping up all the media attention while they can, before Healy scores another brace for Northern Ireland, they get gubbed by Georgia on Wednesday and the tabloid footie journalism focuses again on whether or not Posh and Becks can play in the same team.
But back to this feature about the curry house in Glasgow where Alex's and the team are breaking poppadums; What's the name of that wee kid telling us that James McFadden's favourite dish is a Haggis Pakora? Oleg Kuznetsov Singh? That can't be right? And his older brother is called what? Mark Walters Singh? That's hellish, and possibly prosecutable. What the hell is that all about? A quick google search unearths this Daily Record clipping from three years ago to explain all.
To take your mind of such an act cruelty against one's own kith and kin, here's the aforementioned 'We Have A Dream' by the Scotland World Cup Squad of 1982 (and featuring John Gordon Sinclair and BA Robertson.)
Forget your New Order and Baddiel & Skinner bollocks, this is the best ever football song. It reached number 5 in the charts in May'82 and was probably the third or fourth single I ever bought.
1982 - the best World Cup ever.