"He's got a head like a fucking orange!"*

WEEK 3

Celtic 2-0 St Mirren

Much too late with my weekly update of the SPL season but, in mitigation, I thought I would wait until I watched this week's Scotsport that I got courtesy of the good people at UK Nova. Due to its lateness and my alcohol intake, I'll keep my aide memoire brief this week.

Featured match on this week's Scotsport was the Celtic versus St Mirren game, which is fair enough as the latter had won their first two games of the season, and none of the other matches in the SPL this past weekend looked particularly appealing in comparison (no derbies, no early season relegation dog fight). That was fine with me as it allowed me a chance to watch some decent length highlights of Celtic, rather than falling back on a few minutes of grainy super 8 like footage from YouTube.

As it's me, first impressions are a mixture of footballing cliche and flights of fancy: McGeady looked absolutely immense in midfield; Miller's shaved head had a strange colouring which meant his head resembled a small round orange (except when he was missing sitters, then his head took on the colour of a crab apple); Jarosik was absent without leave despite being on the field of play; 'Magic' Zurawski lived up to his nickname with a series of deft touches; and I liked Ross Wallace attacking down the left in the first half, but bit into my cushion too many times in the second half when he was called on to defend. On the subject of Wallace, the guy is the spitting image of Ben Affleck. If Ben Affleck had real hair, that is.

The first goal - a header from Stephen McManus - was one of those goals which immediately has the goalie and the defenders looking at each other accusingly, playing the blame game, and the clinching goal from Petrov in the second half had Stan doing one of those 'I actually don't want to be here' type goal celebrations, so beloved of want-away players. Apparently, Celtic turned the lights out and closed the curtains when they saw Aston Villa approaching the front door this week, but the sensible thing would be to send him on his way with thanks for loyal and excellent service, and move on.

With regards to St Mirren, they looked tidy and threatened a few times, with Lappin being especially unlucky when his free kick hit the woodwork in the second half. Celtic looked fluent going forward but it was hands behind fingers time when they were called on to defend. However, I do like the fact that despite initial appearances, they didn't get muscled off the ball by St Mirren, and look a lot more robust than Nakamura floppy hair suggests.

With regards to the other games, nothing much to report. Rangers looked fancy against Dunfermline without really threatening and Lee Martin, the player they got on loan from Man Utd, has arguably the worst hair cut I've seen in football in recent years. And THAT'S after I've just watched the recent World Cup, so you know that it isn't an idle statement. Hibs looked really out of sorts against Inverness Caley Thistle, which is sad when you consider they have literally become a feeder club for the ugly sisters in Glasgow. Hearts looked good against Falkirk - despite being unable to score - which suggests that last season wasn't a one season wonder.

With regards to the Scotsport talking heads, I loved listening to Andy Walker's analysis, and he even made a case for Miller playing well despite him not being able to hit a cow's arse with a banjo early season. John Colquhoun took time off from his sunbed to play his counterfoil. The football journalist at the end of the couch, Graham Spiers, despite looking a bit too much like Colin Montgomerie after a stapled stomach op, played a blinder as the football journalist prepared to speak off message about this or that player.

That's me done - there's more bottles in the fridge to be emptied. Fingers crossed that come Sunday the headline writers won't be recycling 'Super Caley' headlines after the Celtic versus Inverness game, and hopefully come Wednesday a kind person will once again post the latest episode of Scotsport on UKNova.

*Not me commenting on Kenny Miller, but Ricky Gervais referring to Karl Pilkington.