"Vote early and . . . yeah, just vote early."

"I dressed really carefully, in my trenchcoat, with my glasses, and I was careful to wear my posh shoes. I put on a posh accent, sort of southern."

No, not someone plucking up the courage to go to their first Anarchist Federation meeting.

It is in fact the funny story of 14-year-old Alfie McKenzie taking advantage of mistakenly being allocated a polling card and popping along to his local polling station to vote tactically for the Lib Dem candidate in a marginal seat so as to ensure that the Tories are kept out of office (mmm, no, that can't be right.).

With a name like Alfie, surely he didn't need the polling card to pass for a 45 year old?

No happy ending, though. A teacher grassed him up for showing some initiative. (In my day, my lefty teachers would have broken out the Bulgarian wine and excused the fact that I'd only submitted five pieces of homework in my last four years of school.); The Tory candidate romped home in a safe Tory seat; And Clegg might get to keep his Orange Book in a ministerial briefcase some time in the near future.