The Invisible Fan

Posted 31st May (3.11 am)

Trying to stay awake through the night so I can do the laundry super-early. (It's a NYC thing.) Decided to try and rush through a backlog of old(ish) 180s. Reading up on Elvis Costello and his falling out with the Attraction, Bruce Thomas. Maybe I should read Bruce Thomas's autobiography? Maybe I should just read  . . . period.

Realising I don't listen to as much Costello as I should. Maybe it's the voice. Saturation can be too much, but I always return to him 'cos he is such a brilliant songwriter. The above 'The Invisible Fan' is a play on 'The Invisible Man' from the Punch The Clock album. One of his early albums which don't get that much love. Probably seen as too poppy, too mainstream. I like it.

74/50

Addendum.

I should have mentioned that the 180 is a Brooklyn Bar 180 from a practice session before the final league match of the season. All round it was a bit of a nightmare, though it hasn't hit home yet as such. We lost 14-13 on the night. Going into the final of the cricket singles match of the night, it was 13-13 against our fellow bar mates (a proper Darts derby), and I lost to AB. No excuses at my end. I had the upper hand for most of the match and AB clawed it back brilliantly on the bullseyes (in local parlance, "the corks"). The victory would have been nice. We've been a bastard losing streak for the second half of the season, with a final league record of 3-7. 

On a personal performance note, I also lost out to the All Stars first place. It would have been the second season in a row. (Still waiting on the T-shirt lads.) Going into the final round of the season, I was still leading the stats by about 47 points but I wasn't feeling confident. The eventual winner, EB, had been clawing back the points in the recent weeks and by the end of the night I kind of guessed that I hadn't scored enough points on the night to retain the top spot.

The funny thing is that, days later, I'm still more gutted about losing that Cricket singles match. Go figure.

"The Name of the Game"

A 180 at a local Luck of the Draw. Sadly, it wasn't during an actual match. Just a practice session.

Equally sad, is that I played actual garbage during the event itself. Got down to the last 7 from 27 entrants, but this was more from luck than design. My only half-decent performance was during a Cricket doubles game with J.F., where the gamesmanship from one of the opponents was off the chart. I'd played him in league darts on Monday nights in the past but I don't remember him previously playing these tricks to fuck with my head. A strange occurrence, but we won in the end. Snatching victory from the jaws of defeat, and all that jazz.

59/50

Hunting High and Low*

Another 180 whilst practicing before a league match. It's never an indication that I'm going to play well on the actual night itself (I was okay, as it goes).

Sadly, we lost the match 15-12. Even sadder is that I came home with those stickers still in my pocket. I need to sort that.

54/50

*Another song title as a post title. This time to give a clue as to where I was actually playing. Pretty straightforward, to be honest. When you get it, it will be an 'A-ha' moment for you.

False witness

False witness? False dawn? False representation? Who the hell knows.

All I do know is that once the actual league match started, I put in my worst performance of the season. Totally blown away. No excuses. Okay, the dartitis played a part a couple of times during the course of the night but I should be used to that by now. That's not the reason why I played so bad. 

A strange (long) night all round. You'll need to wait for the biopic for more details. It'll be in there somewhere . . . if only for some light relief.

Back to the drawing board.

49/50

Marguerita Time

Posting Wednesday afternoon (22nd April).

Apparently the board isn't placed correctly. It's too high . . . but I only discovered this after I hit the 180. I don't care. A 180 is a 180. It's not the first I've hit a 180 in this bar.

The business with the wrongly positioned board? That'll make the King of Brooklyn interesting.

45/50

Sounds likes a Viz character

Scored a 180 at the first qualifier of the 2026 King of Brooklyn dart event. Alas, I wasn't competing. A combination of being skint and the dartitis meant that I wasn't going to throw away $25, knowing I wasn't currently up to darting speed.

First impressions is that overall the standard of play is up this year. Some of the big hitters weren't in attendance - saving themselves, no doubt - but dart players from Park Slope were in attendance, and they've definitely got stronger in recent years. One of the qualifiers was a bit of a wild card (just like me all those moons ago), and the other qualifier was an old hand. (The organiser of the tournament.)

40/50

Darts League Bling

Posted April 29th, early morning.

Same league night as 180 number 35. I played well that night. Won all my games, scored some points. I don't usually remember individual shots in games . . . and especially not from three weeks previous but I do remember one round in the 501 doubles match. I stepped up to the oche needing D18. First dart went  the wrong side of the wire, and I hit D1 and I immediately switched downstairs and hit D17 to win the leg. 

Yep, I was as surprised as everyone else.

36/50

A pun on poverty.

Posted April 29th, early morning.

Another 180 in a Brooklyn bar. Just before a league match. (We won 17-10. Thanks for asking.)

I'd love to hit a 180 in an actual league match this season, but I can't see it happening. 

35/50

"You take pictures of your 180s?"*

Another 180 from that Luck of the Draw which annoyed me. (The Luck of the Draw, not the 180.) I guess it should have been my last 180 at that bar . . . actually, it still might.

5/50

*From a bemused G.A. He was right to be bemused. I have to get over it . . . just not yet.

Let there be (a bit more) light

Back at the Dickensian themed bar (not really), and another 180. 

It was a Luck of the Draw night, and I'd originally been at the *cough* 'Down Down' bar just down the road but I made the trek over because I was under a mistaken impression . . . I thought it was going to be a last chance night. It turns out it wasn't. Just another in a recent longish line of mistaken impressions. 

Ho hum, you'd like to think you'd live and learn . . . but I probably won't.

It wasn't so much a 'last chance' but it is a 'last throw' for Luck of the Draw at that place. It didn't sit right and pouring out the door past 1am is not conducive to my constitution. At least I hit a couple of 180s . . . and I made my cash back.

4/50

"Hold on, I'm in the dark . . . "

"Late to the show. Posted 3rd February, early morning. I'm knackered."

 

Practising before a league match in a Brooklyn Bar on Third Avenue. (Think Dickensian.) It wasn't the match board, so that explains why it's a bit battered and bruised. It also explains the flash for the picture. Turns out, you can't have proper lighting for the spare boards as it distracted from match play. (I'm paraphrasing.)

 

It was the first leg of a semi final and we were playing away. We lost 10-9, which wasn't a bad result overall. The disaster was to occur the following week. Dear reader, we blew it . . . blew it big time.

 

 

 

2/50

No Hammarby puns, please.

Finished second and I got the highest score of the night. I'll take it.

Through a (camera) glass darkly . . .

Another one of those 180s hit in a Brooklyn bar on a league night before the start of the actual main event. I didn't come close to hitting one in the actual match itself.

Yep, I know the picture looks like it was taken underwater on a secondhand Kodak Brownie. It couldn't be helped. My phone was dying  - fuck you, iPhone 6 - and the match was about to start. I didn't have time to line up my picture Cartier-Bresson style. It could have been worse; if my phone had died before I had the chance to take the picture, you'd now instead be looking at badly drawn pencil sketch of a 180.

189/50

P.S.

We won 15-4 on the night. Played 4, won 3 . . . and in the match I lost, I actually played half-decent.

Not so PC at PC's (groan)

Practicing before a Tuesday night league match. I think this might be my first ever 180 at this particular bar. I'm not 100% sure but a 180 is a 180. It could have spelt the kiss of death for the match itself but we ended up winning 10-9 on the night. And against a team from the same bar. Two derby wins in one week . . .and with Celtic flights. I need to pass them onto Brendan before the semi final.

178/50

A dry spell broken

It's been about three weeks since my last 180. Admittedly, I've not been playing as much but that is the biggest gap between 180s for the longest time. I'm not sure what's happened. My form definitely dips in the summer months. I've noticed that in years past but I thought it might be different this year.

Anyway, think of the positives. This was another 180 in a Brooklyn Bar. A new - for me - Brooklyn Bar. I need to try and tot up how many bars that is now where I've hit a 180. Maybe 7 or 8? Is this the darting equivalent of John Cheever's The Swimmer or am I just being a pretentious prick? Obviously PP. Always PP.

161/50

It was during a warm up for a Luck of the Draw event . . . once proper play started, I was all out of luck.

"It's only practice."

That's a direct quote from two different people, btw.

And, YES, it was practice in-between an actual league match, in-between me twitching from Dartitis when I was actually playing in a match but  . . . fuck . . . it's still a 180 . . . in a bar (PH for the initiated) . . . on a shitty board. I'll take it.

94/50

We lost 11-8. Going into the final round we were 8-6 up but it wasn't to be. (It happens.) The last game of the night  - when we still could have won the match - was the dreaded 501 (Double In, Double Out). No word of a lie, both teams were on D1 for about 25 minutes. Possibly the longest leg of darts I've ever witnessed. The match ended up finishing past midnight. Again, it happens.

The dartitis is still plaguing me when I'm playing but I did win my three games last night, so I stumbled through.

'Maybe you're bifurious?'

Catching up. Using lines from Fresh Meat as post titles. 

I've been here before with 180s, Jesse Armstrong and Sam Bain.

68/50

Stockholm Syndrome

That Heaven 17 track. 

What Heaven 17 track? Key To The World? Soul Warfare? Contenders? I don't have a scooby. 

The "That Heaven 17 track" line has been sitting in my drafts for months. (I'm writing this in the middle of the night on the 6th February, 2025). I'm sure it meant something at the time. Now it's been lost to the midsts of time.

My fiftieth 180 of 2024 was in my fact my third 180 whilst practicing in a pub in South Brooklyn in the warm up for a small scale darts tournament (my first). People were milling around . . . in fact, it was darts nuts milling around, but nobody saw me whip out my phone to take a pic of the 180. Or if they did, they were playing it cool . . . as was I.

That day was a long darting day, but it was ultimately a fruitful endeavour. It definitely didn't turn out the way I was expecting. If I get any more cryptic, I will have to change my name by deed poll to 'Crossword'.

50/50

Addendum:

Just realised that this post is overly cryptic when I'd already kind of 'fessed up what I was doing - and where - in this post and this post. Serves me right for taking so bastard long to post this 180 on the blog. File under 'Pull Your Finger Out'.

"Only four minutes later . . . "

[Posted on a cold January 2025 morning. 'It's balaclava weather, btw.']

Isn't there some wanky meme on social media where someone puts on a fake French accent and does a voiceover of "Only four minutes later . . . " ?

Well, four minutes later I hit another 180. Again, no Ted Lasso moment . . . not even that scene in Roxanne moment. (With my nose, it would have been perfect casting.) I'm sure I surreptitiously looked around at the time to see if anyone noticed. Even an audience of one would have been nice at this point. Nada. Zero. If Zelig was in the bar watching on, he was well hidden.

49/50

Taking my darts seriously

[Posted on a cold January 2025 morning. 'It's Baltic, btw.']

There is a reason the board looks a bit different. I wasn't at home. I was in a bar in Brooklyn. If you're looking for specifics, a bar 10 minutes away from where I live. (I refuse to be any more specific.)

That begs the question: what am I doing in a bar on a Saturday afternoon in mid-October? Had I become a 'secret lemonade drinker' this late in life? Nothing so drastic. Have you seen the price of bottled beer in bars these days? It would bring a tear to a glass eye. No, late in life, I decided to become a 'secret dart tournament player'. What the hell. It was only 10 minutes up the road, and it would make a novel change from my usual Saturday afternoon of trying to find dodgy clips of the Celtic highlights on YouTube.

There was a lot of hanging around before the tournament actually started but the good thing is that there were four boards in the bar, so there was ample opportunity to practice. I only went and hit a 180 minutes after arriving at the bar. If this was a Hollywood movie - or that clip from Ted Lasso - the bar would be packed, and would have erupted into applause. As it's real life - and, more importantly, my life - no one seemed to notice. Even when I got the Kodak Box Brownie out to get a picture of my 48th 180 of 2024. They were either too busy practising themselves, fiddling with their phones or actually socializing with each other. (Weirdos.)

48/50